Vegie Smugglers

Did you pay much attention to the budget the other night? The government is focusing on WORK. They’re going hard to get all of us layabouts – mothers, the disabled and long term unemployed, back into doing something PRODUCTIVE.

It’s interesting isn’t it? I’ve spent most of this week recovering from the school mega-fete last weekend. I’ve been quite involved this year, and we raised heaps of money for the school that the Education Revolution can’t provide. Post fete, the note has come home requesting volunteers for weekly maths classes. That’s to supplement the teaching staff that the government can’t fund.

So who will do all of these community jobs, once all of the mothers are back being ‘productive?’ Because, unfortunately, in our society everything comes back to a fiscal value, so if we’re not paying tax, we’re not valid.

Here’s a couple of fiscal sums for the government to ponder about what a mother is actually worth…

Weekly laundry (6 bag washes + 5 shirt wash/ironed) = $75
Weekly cleaning = $60
Nanny (29 hours @ $22/hour) = $638
Tutor (3 hours @$35/hour) = $105

So there’s a total of $878, that doesn’t include administrator, nurse, nutritionist, driver, counsellor or chef.

So if I go back to full time work, I’ll have to earn about $1400/week ($72,000k a year), so that I can earn enough to outsource my life. But the government will be happy, they’ll be getting their cut of $500/week.

And they can continue to pour that money into the mental health services for disenfranchised and depressed teenagers, who perhaps would have an easier time of life if they had someone to come home to and talk with in the afternoons.

Now THERE’S a job that is apparently worth nothing.

What will it be??? You'll have to download to see!

So while we are at home, frivolously mothering our children, let’s spend some time on something seriously silly – some pixel colouring-in. Fun for both boys and girls, a cute introduction to numbers and colours. I’m not telling what the final picture is, you can discover that for yourselves, while you’re just laying about.

Because a circle is always MORE than just a circle

Just a quickie today – a PDF download to help toddlers and preschoolers learn their basic shapes. They can practice their tracing skills and then colour them in. Or if you’re feeling creative, show them how the shapes become other objects – draw a ribbon and bow on the square and VOILA – a present, turn the circle into a sun with a smiley face and the triangle into a piece of pizza… you get the idea, I’ll leave the others up to you!

If your child has trouble holding the pencil correctly, check out Draw your world, for some good advice (the whole site is interesting), and there’s good practical advice for a pencil holding trick here.

I’m off to get organised for Billycart Markets this Saturday (April 9). I’ll be giving away bite size versions of my Oaty Banana Pancakes… and I always love a chat. Come and astonish me with tales of what your kids will and won’t eat! See you there…

Hmmmm, I'll be at the stall that smells great!

A couple of weeks ago, in yet another champion-mummy-moment, I inadvertantly exposed Mr Meat & Potatoes to porn.

Not sure where that fits on the crap-parenting scale, but I suspect it’s well above not packing any warm clothing in their daycare bag, but below dropping them on their head in the park.

We were having a lovely mummy/son day, full of laughter, songs, funny sound effects and craft. He loves nothing better than to colour-in, and while the things I draw are good, he is much more dedicated to cool-boy-stuff subjects, mainly Ben 10, Ironman etc. So we were doing a bit of online searching and printing. My google image search revealed a thumbnail of THE COOLEST IRONMAN COLOURING EVER. He was ‘awwwwwing’ and pointing, too excited to talk. We clicked the image and then….. well it loaded into some kind of spammy template with porn images all around the edges. The ‘awwwwing’ stopped abruptly and I saw his little head tilting as he tried to make sense of it all. Perhaps luckily, it was all super scary-closeups that are pretty abstract to a 3-year-old. He couldn’t make head nor [ladygarden] tail of it. I breathed calmly and hit the back button, vowing to spend a bit of time bookmarking a few legit colouring sites that wouldn’t make me feel all icky.

Did I mention that he only likes to colour with green & blue?

Sorry Mr M&P, mummy didn’t mean to.

Try these colouring resources…

This US government site is guaranteed porn-free, but with page titles like “E is for Environment”, the kids may only stay absorbed for a short time… There’s a great range of stuff here, but to avoid printing out tonnes of guff, you have to download the image then print it out yourself. There’s Transformers colouring for boys and for older girls, you can’t miss these Royal wedding paper dolls! Religious folks will like these bible-based colouring pages. There’s cute, simple pictures for toddlers to enjoy. Crayola (as you’d expect) has good quality pictures with a print functionality that actually works. Top Aussie kids may like these local topics at Kidspot and there’s a bunch of dog breeds to choose from here. And of course, you can never beat reliable, local content at the ABC playground and at the BBC CBeebies site.

Happy colouring, may your children remain porn-free until they’re much older than mine.

With less than a year to go before school, I’m realising that Mr Meat & Potatoes is nowhere near as ready (or keen) for the schoolyard as his big sister was at the same stage. She could write her name, knew the alphabet and count to 40. He can barely distinguish between a square and a rectangle. She participated in the daycare school readiness program as a fun activity to keep her busy, he will actually need it to avoid being totally overwhelmed next year.

Without seeming too neurotic, I’ve done up some quick worksheets for him to play with at home too, starting with some really basic and fun visual discrimination exercises. He can try to pick out the differences and then colour in the monsters. Nothing too hard, but all helpful.

Is your little monster ready for school? Click for fun early education pages

It's been a long year, but we're almost there!

At just six, Miss Fruitarian’s days of belief in the great man are numbered. The schoolyard is abuzz with rumours of parental involvement. Even more shocking was the discovery that Christmas has a purpose other than toys. Miss F announced after scripture last week that actually “Jesus is the best gift”. I asked if perhaps we should ask Santa to bring a big fat stocking full of Our Saviour? No, she’d prefer the Sylvanian Family of fluffy cats.

Not that the kids really deserve anything. That moment of perfection from a few weeks ago is long gone. Replaced with end of year exhaustion that sees every day ending in tears and most mornings starting with whinging and sibling bickering. Mr Meat & Potatoes is foul too. He has a maniacal grin and glazed eyes from 6am, when he starts prodding, poking and sitting on his sister until she cracks it (about 6.15am).

I’m remembering now how last year also ended up like this. Weeks of foul children, hyped with special events, treats and late nights – still rewarded on Christmas morning with present after present. It doesn’t seem quite right. A little boy at school was apparently so naughty last December that Santa only brought him a big bag of sticks (I’m dying to know what his crime was). All hail the diligent parent committed to justice enough to see this threat through. The scene must have been chaos. Although in the same situation, Mr M&P would probably have been pretty happy so long as one or two were shaped like guns.

So, in a week or two it will all be over. Things will calm down and we’ll relax into a month of swimming and iceblocks. Until then, drag yourself forward to each party/event/concert/shopping trip. Perhaps I’ll see you there. I’ll be the haggard woman, slightly hungover and snapping at my bickering children. Oh wait, is that me, or is that you?

As a thanks to you all for your visits here, and your purchases of the cookbook I’ve made you some free gift tags – just print out this PDF. There are different styles for all the different members of the family. And if you haven’t already, remember that the Vegie Smugglers Cookbook is a perfect gift, and if ordered before Friday Dec 17, should reach you pre-Christmas.

Thanks to you all for your visits and purchases - Merry Christmas xxx