Dear DOCS, I can explain everything…

A couple of weeks ago, in yet another champion-mummy-moment, I inadvertantly exposed Mr Meat & Potatoes to porn.

Not sure where that fits on the crap-parenting scale, but I suspect it’s well above not packing any warm clothing in their daycare bag, but below dropping them on their head in the park.

We were having a lovely mummy/son day, full of laughter, songs, funny sound effects and craft. He loves nothing better than to colour-in, and while the things I draw are good, he is much more dedicated to cool-boy-stuff subjects, mainly Ben 10, Ironman etc. So we were doing a bit of online searching and printing. My google image search revealed a thumbnail of THE COOLEST IRONMAN COLOURING EVER. He was ‘awwwwwing’ and pointing, too excited to talk. We clicked the image and then….. well it loaded into some kind of spammy template with porn images all around the edges. The ‘awwwwing’ stopped abruptly and I saw his little head tilting as he tried to make sense of it all. Perhaps luckily, it was all super scary-closeups that are pretty abstract to a 3-year-old. He couldn’t make head nor [ladygarden] tail of it. I breathed calmly and hit the back button, vowing to spend a bit of time bookmarking a few legit colouring sites that wouldn’t make me feel all icky.

Did I mention that he only likes to colour with green & blue?

Sorry Mr M&P, mummy didn’t mean to.

Try these colouring resources…

This US government site is guaranteed porn-free, but with page titles like “E is for Environment”, the kids may only stay absorbed for a short time… There’s a great range of stuff here, but to avoid printing out tonnes of guff, you have to download the image then print it out yourself. There’s Transformers colouring for boys and for older girls, you can’t miss these Royal wedding paper dolls! Religious folks will like these bible-based colouring pages. There’s cute, simple pictures for toddlers to enjoy. Crayola (as you’d expect) has good quality pictures with a print functionality that actually works. Top Aussie kids may like these local topics at Kidspot and there’s a bunch of dog breeds to choose from here. And of course, you can never beat reliable, local content at the ABC playground and at the BBC CBeebies site.

Happy colouring, may your children remain porn-free until they’re much older than mine.

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2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Karen T said,

    That is hilarious!!! Thanks for the giggle :)x

  2. 2

    elizabuf said,

    gah, i feel your pain…. i once (very naively) googled ‘forest creatures’ for my 6 year old. little miss shrieks ‘those are NOT animals!!’ sheesh, i didn’t even KNOW there was some sort of sub-culture involving being half-naked while wearing a partial furry costume out in the woods…………………….. eew. lol.

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