Why dads are more fun than mums

Last weekend I took Mr Meat & Potatoes to an AWESOME birthday party and left Miss Fruitarian and her dad, car-less and idle.

I got home several hours later and found the two of them happy as larks, outside, being VERY busy.

Not often would I risk writing ‘dad’, ‘little girl’ and ‘macro lens’ in one sentence (to avoid google placing weird ads at the bottom of my post), but I have no choice here, since that is what took place, for two hours.

Silly? Yes. Fun? Definitely.

Apparently the plan was to create some photos for Miss F to convert into a book of her own. Which is a great idea, and one that I can help out on by doing a quick layout, ready to fill in.

And perhaps you’d all like a go too, so I’ve got a PDF to download. You can scale it up or down, print it out, cut out and rearrange the pages to match a story of your own making. Enjoy.

I'm lost for words on how to caption this ...

or this.

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What the kids eat in… Malaysia

Lucky children in Malaysia grow up eating these delicious prawn fritters called Cucur Udang.

Super easy to make, they’re a good way to get the kids eating a new protein. Not that I desperately need them to grow fond of expensive seafood, but sometimes my best friend and I like a bit of adult gourmet, and this recipe is a way to deliver both a kid-friendly and adult-tasty dinner in one dish (just sprinkle over some chilli, spring onions and coriander for the adults).

And they’re cooked in no time at all, completing the recipe golden triangle of interesting, easy and delicious.

Makanan ini enak!

Cucur Udang

1 cup self-raising flour
¼ tsp salt
½ tsp ground turmeric
(for colour, optional)
250g cooked prawns
4 spring onions,
thinly sliced
125g can corn kernels, drained
Handful of bean sprouts
1 tbsp sweet chilli sauce
2 eggs, whisked
Canola oil, for frying
White pepper

Sift the flour into a large mixing bowl. Add the salt and turmeric (if using).

Peel and devein the prawns then chop them into a texture to suit your family (I need to nearly mince mine). Add to the bowl with the spring onion, corn and bean sprouts.

Mix it all together and add the chilli sauce, egg and pepper. Add 1 cup water, a little at a time, until you have a good batter consistency.

Heat the oil in a large frying pan over medium–high heat. Spoon in ¼ cup amounts of the mixture and cook for a couple of minutes. Turn over and cook the other side until golden and cooked through. Drain on paper towel.

Serve the fritters with salad and bean sprouts.

MAKES 16

FREE-SHIPPING2

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The black(listed) wiggle

The offending CD. Apparently unbreakable.

As I parked the car after school drop off yesterday, I realised that I was happily and heartily singing away to the Hooley Dooleys. Which is fine. It’s nice to have a sing-along with the kids, except of course, THE KIDS WERE NOT IN THE CAR. I had dropped them off. I had listened to 15 minutes of unnecessary Hooley Dooleys.

The fact that they were on at all proves that I was being a VERY generous mummy. We never listen to the kid’s crappy songs if I can help it. As a toddler, Miss Fruitarian was a total stereo Nazi and would scream ‘hooley dooley’ over and over at increasing decibels until I gave in and put the damn thing on. Thus (4 years later) the old, scratched CD is STILL in the car and we listen to it from time to time as a special treat.

The same CD on repeat is a particular kind of torture, which I’m sure you’re all familiar with. It usually coincides with night terrors and toilet training and I’m getting all tense just typing about it.

Finally after 18 months of ‘bot bot bot bot bot bot bottom booggggiiieeeeee’ I cracked it. And spent much itunes time downloading and making my own compilation CDs that were a reasonable compromise of catchy tunes that wouldn’t do my head in.

Now the kids are pretty good, and will listen to nearly anything. So it was worth perservering in those early days, forcing them to expand their listening tastes – in much the same way I force them to tackle new vegies. Take what they like, and push them just a little further each time, out of their comfort zone.

Here’s my list of songs that saved my sanity….

Bohemian like you, The Dandy Warhols (video not for the kids)…
Praise you, Fatboy slim…
Anything by the Beach boys
Or Sympathy for the devil, Rolling Stones (good sing-along)…
Hard to beat Peter, Bjorn & John’s Young Folks, which has a great kid-friendly fun video.
Song 2, Blur. For a rockin’ out Mr Meat & Potatoes. Who also doesn’t mind a bit of
Seven nation army, by the White Stripes, which is also a pretty mesmorising video.
We even venture into Violent Femme’s territory with Kiss Off (good educational counting bit!) and Gone Daddy Gone.
Most of the Mamas & the Papas repertoire is good for the kiddlies…
And other retro favourite include Elvis and
Kenny Roger’s Gambler (this video link is to a truly odd Muppet Show version)
Miss Fruitarian likes a bit of chick rock, so we love The fear, Lily Allen and
So what, Pink and pretty much anything by Madonna.
Our favourite is Hung Up.

Basically anything catchy, that’s just one level above kid’s tunes that you can tolerate. Even the youngest toddlers will get into these songs after a couple of (forced) listens.

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A spoonful of sugar (or croutons) helps the vegies go down

A big fat yummy bowl of witches' stew

Last week I served up an aesthetically challenged split pea soup that could best be visually compared to a bowl of snot. Full of vegetables and lacking in glamour, there was little chance of the little lovelies voluntarily hoeing in. Which is a shame, since it was absolutely delicious.

In these situations it’s important to remember the Vegie-Smuggling philosophy of sugar coating meals – that is, finding lures that will be irresistible to your kids that will ensure certain success with a risky dinner. For me, these include dollops of tomato sauce, mayonnaise and with soups, croutons.

There’s something FUN about discovering a crunchy delight in a thick soup and it works on my kids without fail.

I dump a load of them into a bowl and ladle the soup over. The first crouton goes in, coated in soup and the kids realise that the flavour is good and then they go back for more. I PROMISE you, that both the kids ate up full bowls of this soup and said they’d happily eat it again. We even had a laugh about the ugly look of it. Once the croutons were submerged, Miss Fruitarian renamed it ‘Witches stew’, which I think is a title just as enticing to kids as the oily, garlic bread.

This is an advanced Vegie Smuggling dish – if your kids aren’t used to soup, try my Chicken & pasta recipe instead, but if your kids are used to a nice thick hearty texture (and like peas), try this out. It’s not my recipe (it’s from Gateway Gourmet), I’ve only added the croutons and made minimal changes, which is why it’s not in the cookbook, only online.

Witches stew

2 tbsp olive oil
1 white onion, diced
1 carrot, peeled, diced
3 celery sticks, diced
1 parsnip, peeled, diced
1 ¼ cups green split peas, rinsed, picked over
4 cups vegetable stock
1 bay leaf
Half a bunch fresh thyme leaves (remove stalks)
Salt & pepper

Heat the olive oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add the vegies and cook, stirring often for 8-10 minutes to soften. Add the split peas, stock, herbs and some seasoning.

Bring to the boil, cover and simmer for 1-1¼ hours. Remove the bay leaf. Use a stick blender to process until smooth. Add 1/4-1/2 cup extra water if the texture is too thick. Season further to taste.

Serve over croutons.

vegie smugglers croutons

Not healthy, but will make the rest of it magically disappear

Croutons

Preheat oven to 200C. Line oven tray with baking paper.

Slice 1 small breadstick into cubes. Scatter on tray.

Combine 2-3 tbsp olive oil with 2 cloves garlic and 1 tsp Italian herbs. Mix well. Pour over bread and toss to coat.

Bake 10-15 minutes until as golden as you like.

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How much is a mother worth?

Did you pay much attention to the budget the other night? The government is focusing on WORK. They’re going hard to get all of us layabouts – mothers, the disabled and long term unemployed, back into doing something PRODUCTIVE.

It’s interesting isn’t it? I’ve spent most of this week recovering from the school mega-fete last weekend. I’ve been quite involved this year, and we raised heaps of money for the school that the Education Revolution can’t provide. Post fete, the note has come home requesting volunteers for weekly maths classes. That’s to supplement the teaching staff that the government can’t fund.

So who will do all of these community jobs, once all of the mothers are back being ‘productive?’ Because, unfortunately, in our society everything comes back to a fiscal value, so if we’re not paying tax, we’re not valid.

Here’s a couple of fiscal sums for the government to ponder about what a mother is actually worth…

Weekly laundry (6 bag washes + 5 shirt wash/ironed) = $75
Weekly cleaning = $60
Nanny (29 hours @ $22/hour) = $638
Tutor (3 hours @$35/hour) = $105

So there’s a total of $878, that doesn’t include administrator, nurse, nutritionist, driver, counsellor or chef.

So if I go back to full time work, I’ll have to earn about $1400/week ($72,000k a year), so that I can earn enough to outsource my life. But the government will be happy, they’ll be getting their cut of $500/week.

And they can continue to pour that money into the mental health services for disenfranchised and depressed teenagers, who perhaps would have an easier time of life if they had someone to come home to and talk with in the afternoons.

Now THERE’S a job that is apparently worth nothing.

What will it be??? You'll have to download to see!

So while we are at home, frivolously mothering our children, let’s spend some time on something seriously silly – some pixel colouring-in. Fun for both boys and girls, a cute introduction to numbers and colours. I’m not telling what the final picture is, you can discover that for yourselves, while you’re just laying about.

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Mother’s day… and then the rest of the year…

Yummy for mummy's tummy

How did your mother’s day go? Mine was a pretty good one. A card from Mr Meat & Potatoes with a picture of a scribble ice-skating (thankfully captioned by lovely daycare carer) and inside he’d dictated “you’re special because sometimes you take me to the Easter Show”. Miss Fruitarian was more verbose in her well decorated effort, “I love you since you take me ice-skating (common theme) and buy me things”.

Yet again, no mention of the delicious meals I serve up to them night after night. Or the myriad other events that keep their lives running smoothly each and every day for the whole rest of the year.

Luckily my best-friend is much more aware of the effort I pull and spent much of the day on Sunday cooking treats and serving me warm beverages in a variety of my best china. Then he disappeared off to work for a bit and the kids nipped off to the neighbour’s place and I was left blissfully alone for TWO HOURS. Now THAT’S a good mother’s day present!

Finally the guilts got to me and went to retrieve them. I was greeted with my daughter’s back as she raced off and a “not coming home” tantrum from Mr M&P who went on to wet his pants. And I’d just been thinking how nice it was to be having my first nappy-free mother’s day.

The rest of the day passed with the regular conflicts, them bossing me around, me bossing them around and finished off with lots of cuddles. A bit of a snapshot of my life of mothering at the present time. Love, crankiness and the odd pair of wet undies.

Funnily enough, I tend to get a bit more undying love and hoots of ‘you’re the best mum in the whole wide world’ on other days – actually whenever I cook them something like these Apricot & Yoghurt Biscuits…

Yummy for everyone's tummy

Apricot & yoghurt biscuits

1¼ cups plain flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp ground cinnamon
¾ cup rolled oats
¹/³ cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 cup dried apricots, sliced
2 tbsp hazelnut or
almond meal
²/³ cup vanilla yoghurt
¼ cup canola oil
Demerara sugar, for sprinkling

Preheat oven to 170C. Line two oven trays with baking paper.

Sift the flour, baking powder and cinnamon into a large mixing bowl. Add the oats, sugar, apricots and hazelnut meal and mix well.

In a small bowl, whisk together the yoghurt and the oil.

Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and mix well. Add a little more yoghurt if the mixture isn’t quite wet enough to absorb all the flour.

Using wet hands, roll 22 balls (ping-pong-ball-sized) and space evenly on the trays (these biscuits don’t spread much). Press with a fork and sprinkle with a little extra sugar (demerara is nice). Bake for 20 minutes until golden.

MAKES 22

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The best way to smuggle… cauliflower

I was always a good eater as a kid, but cauliflower was one of the few vegies that made my tastebuds recoil. My recollection is that we ate the drab thing a lot – but perhaps that’s just me unfairly forgetting the 6 nights a week that we ate stuff that I really loved (my mum is a great cook).

Funny how the food aversions stick around. I talk to parents all the time who worry about their kid’s eating habits, only to confess mid-conversation that they are themselves modelling the fussy-food behaviour. And I realise that cauliflower is the vegetable that I don’t buy as often as I should (since it’s full of fibre, vitamins and anti-cancer compounds). I use all sorts of excuses in the supermarket – it’s expensive and the kid’s don’t like it… but hang on a minute – that’s not actually true… I never expect the kids to like it but actually my kids DO like it (particularly smothered gratin-style in a cheese sauce and baked).

Recently I bought a chunk of it and served little florets along with broccoli simply microwaved and drizzled with lemon juice – the kids were excited and ate it all up (I think I even heard ‘yay! cauliflower!). Just goes to show what a bit of variety can achieve.

So my lessons learned were..
1. Don’t pass my food aversions onto my children.
2. Don’t assume anything about what they will and won’t like.
3. Keep the vegies served on a regular rotation (absence does seem to make the heart grow fonder).

And if you are nervous about introducing cauliflower to the family, try out this fish pie, which artfully smuggles both cauliflower and parsnip into the top layer. It’s a great recipe for autumn when cauliflower is just coming into season and the unaffordable excuse disappears too.

This is not the vegie of my childhood nightmares!



Family fish pie

Butter, for greasing
1 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, diced
1 clove garlic
1 carrot, peeled, grated
1 zucchini, grated (peel first if necessary)
400g white fish, cut into 2cm cubes
2 tbsp plain flour
1 cup milk, warmed (soy is fine)
¾ cup grated cheese
1 tbsp finely chopped chives and/or parsley
Juice of 1 lemon
2 tbsp white wine
Salt & black pepper
Canola oil cooking spray

Topping
4 medium potatoes, peeled, chopped
1 parsnip, peeled, chopped
1 cup cauliflower florets
25g butter
½ cup milk (soy is fine)
Preheat oven to 180C. Grease a lasagne or casserole dish.

Heat the olive oil in a non-stick frying pan over medium heat. Add the onion and cook until soft (but not brown). Add the garlic for 1 minute then add the carrot and zucchini. Cook for 2 minutes, stirring constantly. Add the fish and carefully mix through for 3-4 minutes.

Add the flour and milk and bring to the boil. Remove from the heat. Add the cheese, chives, lemon and wine. Mix through and season well.

Meanwhile, for the topping, bring a large saucepan of water to the boil. Add the potatoes, parsnip and cauliflower. Boil for 10-15 minutes. Test one of the largest pieces with a fork. If it skewers easily, drain the vegies into a colander, then return to the pan. Add butter and milk. Mash well. Taste and add more milk or butter if the mixture needs it.

Spread the fish mixture evenly over the bottom of the dish. Carefully put the potato layer over the top. Spray with cooking spray and bake for 20 minutes until golden.

SERVES 2 ADULTS & 3 KIDS

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Holiday hell-fryer (the curse of the dismal ‘kids menu’)

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm......

Here’s my post-holiday question to you all – why is it that kid’s restaurant menus are so universally crap?

The picture above beautifully illustrates the joys of it all. Doesn’t it look delicious! See how the fish & chips, calamari & chips and nuggets & chips are all so seductively similar. Just the shapes vary – the nuggets were even cleverly shaped like dinosaurs!

It may be the cheapest and most cheerful option for restaurants, but don’t you reckon that we should be trying just a little bit harder to feed the kids something that’s not golden? Don’t get me wrong, my kids can scoff a nugget as heartily as any child, but if you’re road-tripping about for several days then even the tin lids quickly reach their fried food limit.

I know I can get a side plate and give them a makeshift meal from the adult plates, but what I’d really love is the option of a small portion of something healthy that isn’t full of chemicals and soaked in fat.

I think food outlets Australia-wide should take note of these mince kebabs – they are cheap, inoffensive (no outlandish vegies on show), can be kept long term in the freezer, can be eaten without utensils and still offer kids some nutrition. I’m sure I’m not the only parent out there who thinks it’s not unreasonable for a kid’s menu to provide an option that requires the chef to do something more than tip the contents of a freezer into a deep fryer.

How about something like this?

Mince kebabs

If your kids are likely to use the sticks as weapons, just shape into rissoles or meatballs instead. Vary cooking times to suit.

1/3 cup cous cous
1/3 cup boiling water
1 brown onion, diced
1 bunch English spinach, chopped finely
3 cloves garlic, crushed
1 kg beef mince
Salt & pepper
2 eggs, lightly whisked

2 tbsp olive oil, for frying

Preheat oven to 180º. Soak 12 bamboo skewers in cold water for 15 minutes. Line an oven tray with baking paper.

In a bowl or jug, combine the cous cous and water, stir and cover with plastic wrap. Leave for 5 minutes then fluff with a fork.

Combine the rest of the meatball ingredients in a large bowl. Use your hands to combine the mixture, then roll golf-ball sized portions into sausages and slide them firmly onto a skewer. Heat oil in a large frying pan over medium heat and fry in the kebabs on all sides (4-5 minutes total), then transfer to a baking tray and bake for 10-15 minutes until cooked through.

Makes enough for 2 adults and 4 kids. Serve with the tomato relish pictured. Find the recipe in the Vegie Smugglers cookbook.

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A quick clafoutis

Right. Easter this weekend, so we need a recipe with eggs. Avoiding all the usual culprits, I thought a clafoutis would be good – a nice opportunity to get one last pleasure from plum season. They’ve been one bright spot in a pretty drab year for summer fruit.

I was photographing this for the new cookbook, but they do sink FAST, meaning that I couldn’t get a good enough shot, so let’s keep this recipe as a WEB EXCLUSIVE. Awesome.

Being lactose intolerant I rarely cook with cream. My body can handle a bit of cheese here and there and I always just substitute soy milk without any dramas, but cream is a challenge and since my last pregnancy my body has evolved and it’s now a total no-go zone. But in the supermarket I saw a lactose-free cream (in the long-life section), and thought this recipe was a good chance to give it a go… so far so good. Combined with a lacteeze and I might be back on my way to dessert heaven!

Doesn't this look gorgeous? But wait, there's more...

Plum Clafoutis

These quantities are for the small dish pictured. Double the mixture for a large, family-sized flan dish

Butter for greasing
3-4 tbsp caster sugar
3 plums, quartered
2 eggs
2 tbsp plain flour
1/3 cup milk (soy is fine)
1/3 cup cream
1/2 tsp lemon zest
1/2 tsp vanilla extract

Heat the oven to 190C.

Grease an oven-proof shallow dish. Sprinkle and teaspoon of the sugar over the base. Place the plum pieces around evenly.

In a large bowl, whisk the eggs until frothy (a minute or until your arm is too tired to bother any further), add the sugar and keep whisking and combine in the flour, milk and cream. Also pop in the vanilla and zest.

Pour over the plums and bake for 30 minutes or so until golden and firm. Serve with ice cream.

Eggs... cream... more!

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Cakes, jams, woodchopping, cats and carnies

After years spent working on Australian magazines, I know that Rule One is to avoid offending non-Sydney-based readers by referencing Sydney.

Everyone outside of Sydney, hates Sydney. And with good reason, Sydney-siders are greedy, selfish, real-estate obsessed snobs. It is a city of wankers, a superficial place with little other than the harbour to recommend it. Although I must say that often you’ll find the driver who just cut you off and flicked the bird could easily morph into the delightful person who chats away with you in the Post Office queue. I suppose when forced together like this, perfectly lovely people survive with hackles up and their rude faces on.

Unfortunately I was born here and all of my family are here – which inhibits my natural desire to flee the congested, aggressive, unaffordable streets for some lovely smaller town where I might be able to raise my children with a yard devoid of overhanging balconies and police visiting to check how the neighbourhood dealer is faring.

So whilst I seem stuck here with a massive mortgage and medium density housing, I do like to try and soften the blow by enjoying the benefits of my home town when they occur. And really, they come no better than the Sydney Easter Show, which is bigger than Ben Hur and where the Vegie Smuggling family found ourselves on the weekend.

For those of you interstaters who’ve never been, stick with me, I’ll give you a guided tour…

Start slowly with a ferris wheel ride to see the scene and plan your route.

First stop- of course- the crochet (think I might enter next year...)

...a few doilies...

...and knitted clowns and carnies...

...prizewinning preserves (check out he passionfruit curd...

...lamingtons (plus sponges and insipid marble cakes)...

...our favourite stop - the regional districts fruit displays

...then pacify the kids with a few rides...

...oohhh and aaah over the cake display...

...including truly astonishing and gorgeous wedding cakes...

...and a novelty cake version of 'The last supper'...

...and one of suckling pigs...

...eat hot chips and fairy floss for lunch...

...then watch fast motorbikes doing cool boy stuff...

...and a bloke in a hat with a guitar in a ute singing about rodeos...

...and cats being judged on appearance (how Sydney).

Be freaked out by one of those scary, fluffy chickens...

...and the under 21s woodchop final (blades + feet = nervewracking).

A few more rides (we did more exciting one too)...

And a quick $80 on showbags that will be eaten or broken by tomorrow.

And there you have it. $300 spent wisely to get jostled by crowds, sore feet, a tummy upset and a few broken bits of plastic… aaaahhhh Sydney, how I love you.

We’ll be back next year.

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