Vegie Smugglers

After years spent working on Australian magazines, I know that Rule One is to avoid offending non-Sydney-based readers by referencing Sydney.

Everyone outside of Sydney, hates Sydney. And with good reason, Sydney-siders are greedy, selfish, real-estate obsessed snobs. It is a city of wankers, a superficial place with little other than the harbour to recommend it. Although I must say that often you’ll find the driver who just cut you off and flicked the bird could easily morph into the delightful person who chats away with you in the Post Office queue. I suppose when forced together like this, perfectly lovely people survive with hackles up and their rude faces on.

Unfortunately I was born here and all of my family are here – which inhibits my natural desire to flee the congested, aggressive, unaffordable streets for some lovely smaller town where I might be able to raise my children with a yard devoid of overhanging balconies and police visiting to check how the neighbourhood dealer is faring.

So whilst I seem stuck here with a massive mortgage and medium density housing, I do like to try and soften the blow by enjoying the benefits of my home town when they occur. And really, they come no better than the Sydney Easter Show, which is bigger than Ben Hur and where the Vegie Smuggling family found ourselves on the weekend.

For those of you interstaters who’ve never been, stick with me, I’ll give you a guided tour…

Start slowly with a ferris wheel ride to see the scene and plan your route.

First stop- of course- the crochet (think I might enter next year...)

...a few doilies...

...and knitted clowns and carnies...

...prizewinning preserves (check out he passionfruit curd...

...lamingtons (plus sponges and insipid marble cakes)...

...our favourite stop - the regional districts fruit displays

...then pacify the kids with a few rides...

...oohhh and aaah over the cake display...

...including truly astonishing and gorgeous wedding cakes...

...and a novelty cake version of 'The last supper'...

...and one of suckling pigs...

...eat hot chips and fairy floss for lunch...

...then watch fast motorbikes doing cool boy stuff...

...and a bloke in a hat with a guitar in a ute singing about rodeos...

...and cats being judged on appearance (how Sydney).

Be freaked out by one of those scary, fluffy chickens...

...and the under 21s woodchop final (blades + feet = nervewracking).

A few more rides (we did more exciting one too)...

And a quick $80 on showbags that will be eaten or broken by tomorrow.

And there you have it. $300 spent wisely to get jostled by crowds, sore feet, a tummy upset and a few broken bits of plastic… aaaahhhh Sydney, how I love you.

We’ll be back next year.