I am not your slave (well, actually… maybe I am)

Sunday night and we’ve just been through the weekly children’s hairwash, total body scrub and nail clip. As I crouched down to attend to child’s toenails, child farted at my face level. Yes, my child farted in my face. And laughed.

At least it wasn’t vomit. I’ve long held the theory that mums are the ONLY people we can vomit on. Girlfriends will hold back our hair and husbands will run and fetch the bucket, but the only person who will stoically be coated in our insides are our mothers.

Apparently we ARE all slaves to our children. From the second they slide out and latch on, we are immersed in a kind of servitude to our offspring that I never thought possible.

Child farts in my face. No big deal. At least it didn’t have follow through, like in the early days. I guess we are making progress.


Stay tuned, later this week I’ll have the Term 3 lunchbox planner on sale. It’s a BARGAIN at $4.95 for a 25 page e-book. There’s an easy, seasonal recipe each week and a daily guide to get you out of the lunchbox doldrums. You can download a sample here….

More details later.

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7 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Kamya said,

    Sorry Wendy I laughed too ! Not so much at your expense but because I could imagine the exact same thing happening here – and I have the ‘sugar and spice’ variety! LOL! I love how you write, keeping it real and helping us all relate. Love your work.

  2. 2

    Natalie said,

    seriously looking forward to later in the week 🙂 (and had a good chuckle at the opening paragraph)

  3. 3

    Jacqueline said,

    had to share on FB with all my MUM friends. Ain’t it the truth about Mums lol. Still laughing.

  4. 4

    Karen T said,

    Thanks for that laugh!! Much needed after afternoon at A&E with bubba who burned her hands on the heater!!
    Keep ’em coming Wendy!

  5. 6

    Nicola Wright said,

    I needed a laugh, thanks Wendy. After an eventful evening due to deciding pre-dinner DVD for two little people wasn’t going to happen, I’ve changed my mind rapidly – WW4 and screaming toddlers just don’t work for me!

    Talking things you thought you would never do or see…I want to share a story of a “bath poo”. Monty gifted us our first tonight. Grace made the whole thing hilarious when she lay down in the hall in an imitation of the islands in the bath. “Mummy this is what Monty’s poo looked like!” There was the “flat poo” : position (Grace lying face down arms out). The “log poo” (Grace lying face down arms by sides, legs straight). !!!

    • 7

      wendyblume said,

      I love poo war stories! Always hilarious!! Heard a great one the other day that involved a toddler bathing outside, a dog, dog flap and a mum sleeping inside on the couch! Bad result.

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